You think a blog can’t change your life.
Read this insanely inspirational story about a family’s journey with a less than ideal pregnancy, but a very BEAUTIFUL baby.
Whether you are religious or not, I will never push my views on you. But I promise you that there is message for everyone in the lives of these people. EVERYONE.
Go and read, ill update some original content later.
I have the absolute hardest time letting things, and people, go. I’m not sure what the point of elaborating on this would even be…. I think that would be considered the epitome of not letting it go.
I will miss everyone, I already do. I miss exactly how we used to be. I miss my best friend… who I am still best friends with, but its so different.
Im going to miss this moment, ok maybe not this exact one, but Im sure Ill miss all 2880 moments that happened this weekend, they were perfect.
How do I hold on to it? If I spend too much time taking photos to remember it, I may just miss my shot at enjoying it.
Food For Thought.
I know I’ve said that you have to live for now because thats all you really have and not to dwell in the past [see earlier post on Time doesnt fit in a bottle], but regardless, in the movies and the real world… the past brings you to where you are and thus it is of the greatest importance.
You dont have to dwell in the past to appreciate its significance. So I’ve been thinking alot…. how did I end up here?
I am going to graduate college in 28 days. I am going to be a big kid… So who do I owe for that? I owe my highschool journalism teacher.. the one whose class I took my freshman year, and the one who convinced me to sign up for newspaper class so that I could continue writing, and continue to learn from her. Which I did…. for the rest of my highschool career.
I am in a relationship that has lasted 4 and a half years…. So who do I owe for that? I owe every guy who ever cheated on me.
I have amazing people who will stand by me through anything, and I call them my friends... So who do I owe for that? Well thats what we like to call a loaded question. I owe a lot of people for that. But to name a few… I, again oddly enough, owe the men who cheated on me. Ive become amazing friends with two of my ex boyfriend’s exes, one of which he cheated on my with. Still think I lead a super neat and tidy life? [how you could ever think that anyway is beyond me]. I owe my bitterness towards new people, because without it I would never have invited the new girl freshman year to sit with us just so I could be nosey… she is now my best friend. Same thing goes for one of my closest friends at college who I befriended because I was afraid she was too close to my boyfriend… funny how things turn out.
I owe so many people for who I am, but before this blog post turns into too much of an Oscar thank you speech, Ill leave you with this…
…. how did you get to where you are? The good… The bad… The ugly… I garuntee it contributed.
People sing it, but its more than a song, its so true.
I used to wish Id marry the boy I dated at 15, the one I lost my virginity to.
I used to wish I could run away from home, to somewhere far far away.
I used to wish I could stop feeling so much.
I used to wish Id find a man who would be everything I always pictured.
But had I married that boy, I never would have found the man of my dreams.
Had I ran away, Id never know my nephews the way that I do, or have the strength in my friendships that I do.
Had I stopped feeling so much, I never would have learned how beautiful the world is, or how wonderful love feels.
Had I found the man Id always pictured, I wouldn’t be surprised every day. I would never get mad and feel intense anger, then feel intense happiness. I’d never have found the man I’ve been with for four and a half years.
I know this isnt the wittiest or bitterest or most compelling post, but it is what it is.
Everything I am is a part of everything I’ve lost.
I am overwhelmed by the fact that even though I haven’t been posting I have continued to get comments full of love and views on my blog. Thank you guys, and Im back. Sometimes you just need to take a break from the world, and since you can’t actually do that, sometimes I choose to take a break from those things in the world that I can. I’m not sure why I ever take breaks from writing here, it is such a great outlet.
And now that Im done with the mushy, lets get on with the show.
But just now, that I have been missing you.
The past is just that, the past. And its far too late to change any of that now.
As for the present, well its happening in front of your face, right now as you’re reading this. So in reality, the present that you were in when you read the last sentence is actually the past by now. This means that in all actuality its always too late to change the present.
Now the future, that’s an entirely different entity. Some people believe that the future is predetermined so it isn’t even worth trying to change. But even if it isn’t you have to try hard as hell to do whats right because the future is the effect of the decisions you make in the present and the ones you have made in the past, so unless you make the right ones in the moment, you cant change the future.
Now, you can spend all your time worrying about this mess, or you can just live your life.
Time is such a weird concept. Thinking about the past present future, how much time we’ve spent here, how much time we have left. All we can do is live and tell the people we love that we love them, and maybe even tell the people we hate that we hate them, but we better be damn sure we do because we may not have time to take it back.
As for me, I just want to do everything I can to enjoy life, right now.
I’ve been on this world 7977 days, Thats 191448 hours, 11486880 minutes, and Ive wasted WAY too much of that, so I need to make these next few hundred thousand hours count, thats assuming I have them.
Birds are actually extraordinary creatures. Just think about carrier pigeons, I mean back in the day the birds knew where they were supposed to go, although I suppose they still do, we’ve just found more effective ways of communicating messages.
Or like the parrot’s ability to mimic. Extraordinary.
But, what has always baffled me about birds is that they are so particular about their own. Once a bird has left a flock and been touched by a human, they no longer trust it, and will never let it return.
And people say I have trust issues?
Also, theyre issues with connecting are shown by the way that they let no one in. If a bird loses its own flock, it will wander the world forever, alone. No other flock will accept it as one of their own.
Birds are distrusting and exclusive, just like people.
And they always find their way home, Id love to fly away home right about now.
Maybe birds can mimic even better than we ever knew, and not just parrots either.
